Tap Dancing

What did Amar Singh actually say on the phone?

Rupa Gulab

I've been spending sleepless nights of late. My mind stays wide awake, wondering what exactly Samajwadi Party Leader Amar Singh did say on the phone. The suspense is killing me. It must have been deliciously meaty stuff, considering how agitated he's getting about his phone being tapped. Agreed, it's illegal, a gross infringement of privacy and the perpetrators should be brought to book. I have no argument with that. If my phone had been tapped, I'd be very annoyed too and create a ruckus. But the feverish levels of hysteria Singh is currently displaying makes my imagination go berserk. I'm not an Ambika Soni acolyte but I'm with her when she asks (with a pronounced smirk) why Singh is "so afraid".

At first, I mentally dismissed the allegations as just a cheap attention-seeking stunt. This was an interesting way to tell us that he's a VVVVVVIP, I mean, come on, he accused no one less than Sonia Gandhi of tapping his phone. These days, that's how you tell the nation that you've really arrived. Maybe he missed all the publicity he received in national dailies and news channels during super star Amitabh Bachchan's recent stint at Lilavati hospital. For a while there, I thought that Singh had resigned his party post and become Bachchan's full-time PR agent, he looked as pompous and busybodyish (but not as cute) as the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland when he rushed about, periodically updating the press on how Bachchan was doing. Perhaps, I reasoned, he enjoyed the experience and wanted to be in the national news again, this time making headlines on his own instead of hitching a piggyback ride. Megalomania makes people do extremely peculiar things, as we all know. And you must remember that apart from people in UP, Delhi and Bollywood, most humble citizens are clueless about who the very short man next to the very tall superstar at Page 3 happenings really is.

Now it appears that I was wrong, and Singh was right. But the plot gets murkier by the second with allegations and counter allegations, forged sanction letters for Singh's phone surveillance and seemingly seedy private detectives thrown in. A regular potboiler it is and a refreshing change from the usual Ram Gopal Verma mafia films. Of course, Singh is also a bhai, but not in a pejorative sense. He plays brother (big or small, depending on the age difference) to certain film stars and industrialists, not the underworld lot. I would love to have him as my brother too. He displays admirable loyalty, not only does he stand by friends during their physical and financial illnesses, he has not yet filed an FIR against Reliance Infocomm, which is accused of involvement in the tapping. When questioned about this glaring lapse, he loftily said he was taking legal opinion and would proceed accordingly. Ahem. Does this have anything to do with the fact that Reliance Infocomm chief Anil Ambani is another of his make-believe brothers? Singh evidently cares about Anil more than blood brother Mukesh Ambani does. That's so incredibly touching isn't it?

I must add that I thoroughly enjoyed the guest appearance by Tamil Nadu Chief Minister Jayalalithaa in this grand show. She smiled placidly when Singh attempted to drum up support for his cause and said she has always felt that the centre was tapping her phones too. Is it my imagination or did she look smug about the
fact that she belonged to this very special club of wannabe formidable political opponents?

But back to what's bothering me. I no longer care if it was a private sting operation or if Sonia Gandhi or Woody Woodpecker were responsible for tapping Singh's phone. I'm not remotely interested in finding out who dun it. I just want to know what Singh said. Till the juicy news leaks, I'm going to have to beg my GP to prescribe sedatives. Oh well.