A statute against statues

Pigeon-eyed perspective on the Meenatai bust outrage

Rupa Gulab

No astrologer has ever told me this, but I’m fairly certain I was a pigeon in my last life. That’s because I view statues with the same callous disdain as pigeons do. They regard them as public toilets; I see them as a public nuisance. Mainly because a lot of statues that dot our country are of political figures (and, a new trend, their homely wives). One small chip, one speck of dust, one hint of defacement, and the riot police are called in.

I’m particularly bitter about statues these days because of the recent Shiv Sena furore over the defacement of the bust of Bal Thackeray’s late wife at Shivaji Park. Meenatai’s bust was, apparently, smeared with mud. Given the rainy season and the fact that it’s located in the great outdoors, I’m not terribly astonished; chances are, it could have been Mother Nature’s handiwork. A thorough wash-down with a hose would have made it squeaky clean again and life could have gone on as always. But no, a smear campaign with communal overtones has broken out. Does this, I wonder, have anything to do with the fact that the Shiv Sena has been out of the news for a longish spell and has been scratching its head for a “cause”? You must have seen them on TV, hordes of testosterone-enhanced Shiv Sena goons on the rampage, their cheeks flushed with excitement, visibly restraining the urge to cheerily wave "Hi mum, hi dad" to TV cameras. My god! they looked thrilled to be burning tourist buses and forcing commercial establishments to down their shutters for the glory of Maharashtra. Silly me, I’d always thought modern Maharashtra’s glory came from Mumbai being India’s commercial capital.

I was very touched, though, when an angry Uddhav Thackeray told us on TV that Meenatai wasn’t just his mum but ours too. That made me wish I’d known her personally, perhaps then I’d have been as outraged and burnt a bus or two myself. At the same time, I’d urge him to spare a thought and a little respect for our mothers as well. A lot of mothers from diverse religious persuasions had their blood pressure shooting to dangerously high levels that day, agonising over whether their children would return home in one piece. Suppose one of our mothers had a heart attack because of the Shiv Sena-instigated riots? Would we have been pardoned for burning Uddhav’s car then? I’m assuming we would, since he self-righteously said that he knows how important mothers are. And hey, in Indian culture, mothers are worshipped like goddesses. Which is perhaps why the TV newsreaders kept referring to the incident as the "desecration" of Meenatai’s bust. And who can forget the strapping Bollywood hero of yesteryears, Dharmendra, groaning "Maa" with quivering lips and streaming eyes in lots of his flicks. I’m certain he didn’t require glycerine for those scenes because the word itself evokes strong, uncontrollable emotions. In contrast, Uddhav displayed remarkable restraint.

So what do we do to make sure no such nonsense occurs again? Instead of filing a Public Interest Litigation, I’m seriously contemplating begging my mum to start a ‘Mothers against riots’ group to try to persuade the Shiv Sena to mend their violent ways. ’Tis far better to appeal to their sensibilities than their senses.

But back to statues. Whether they are of mothers of political figures or fathers of the nation, I think there should be a law against placing them in the outdoors. Or else, they should be given raincoats, sunscreen and a team of 24x7 AK-47 toting security guards. And, of course, some enterprising company will just have to come up with pigeon diapers pronto, before another riot breaks out.