Bombs Away!

AS I WRITE this, the Left Front has finally announced its decision to pull out of the UPA government, and CPI(M) general secretary Prakash Karat and his obdurate gang have just finished writing a passionate ‘Dear John' letter to External Affairs Minister Pranab Mukherjee (which will be duly handed over to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, I assume). It is at the exact moment of the handover that I'd love to be a fly on the wall. I'm curious as to whether the prime minister will darkly mutter ‘To hell with protocol!' and give in to his baser instincts-by savagely ripping the letter apart with his bare hands, energetically stamping on it with muddy hob-nailed boots, and defiantly tossing the debris into the nearest dustbin thereafter? To my mind, that would be a very understandable human reaction after the trauma the Left has put him through. However, this is only a fantasy (sigh) because officially, things will proceed in a civilised but dull manner. I feel Singh's pain at the restraint he must show...I really do.
Honestly though, I've been waiting for this split for a long, long time-it's only natural. If you don't believe me,
try this exercise at home: extend your right leg gently towards the right without straining yourself, but extend your left leg as far as you can towards the left (go on, stretch harder till your ham strings snap!). If you're not an India Rubber woman or a gymnast, you're bound to fall down and hurt yourself, right? Well, that's what the UPA did to itself.
By the time you read this, anything may have happened. Elections could be around the corner or we might all be strolling peacefully towards a future that has more electricity and other nice things that the nuke deal is
expected to bring with it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the latter-but with that whimsical wheeler-dealer Samajwadi Party (SP) acting as the UPA's wish-granting whiskered fairy godmother, who can tell? Even if you're terribly fond of the SP-friendly Bollywood Bachchans and have wall-to-wall posters of Papa B, Mama B, Baby B and Bahu B in your bedroom, remember one thing: it's okay to admire stars but never ever to emulate them.
Singh is going to get another passionate letter too-as soon as I get down to writing it, that is! I want to congratulate him for standing up for what he whole-heartedly believes in: India. It's evident that he cares more about power for the nation than power for himself-unlike the fidgety man who can hardly wait to step into his shoes-Lal Krishna Advani! And I wish him and the UPA (sans their erstwhile Left allies) luck in the next general elections, whenever those may be. There are two people in particular I don't want to say goodbye to-Singh himself and Union Railways Minister L alu Prasad Yadav who, as most management institutes in the world will testify, has done a fantastic job too. I'm just surprised that nutritionists haven't yet stepped forward to give Yadav an award for his breakthrough discovery-that fodder is better brain food than almonds! However, I won't shed bitter tears into my pillow if Union Health Minister Anbumani Ramadoss departs. I'll probably invite Shahrukh Khan over for a cocktail party to celebrate!
But, of course, all this is just speculation. There's no telling what may happen next, considering that Karat, formerly known as Mr Integrity, is getting very chummy with UP Chief Minister Mayawati, perennially known as the SP's enemy. The dirty-filthy games have begun-enjoy!