Goodbye and Good Riddance to 2008!

The year 2008 has come to an end- whew! This was a particularly nasty year, and I'm certain that the world at large did not enjoy it. India suffered a double whammy, the global recession and a series of terrorist attacks-the most horrifying one being the recent Mumbai siege.

This is not a time to celebrate, but nonetheless, I'm going to suggest a few gift ideas for certain
people who need all the help they can get. If you think the ideas are worthwhile, let's start a citizen's group and contribute generously to make India a better and safer place.

To Pakistan, with deep understanding: As I write this, Murdabad (also known as Islamabad) is still hotly denying the fact that the terrorists who attacked Mumbai were born and bred on Pakistani soil. This is despite the fact that the captured terrorist and his daddy are both freely admitting it- and there is loads of other incriminating evidence besides. Pakistan prefers to believe in crackpot conspiracy theories, and sullenly says that it is being falsely implicated. I have a theory too- and I promise you, this one is a little more credible. My theory: the ISI has infiltrated the kitchens of Pakistani officials, and opium (obtained from their loved ones in the Taliban) is liberally added to all edible items.  Now this explains why the Pakistani government is hallucinating wildly, doesn't it? How can we expect the poor dears to behave like responsible adults in the sorry mental state they are in?

Presents for the Pakistani Government: Gift coupons for drug rehab centres with the heart-felt message: Get well soon, or else!

To all of India's politicians, with a stern rebuke: We don't need to waste money on a citizen's poll to figure out who the most disrespected Indians of 2008 were? After the Mumbai attacks, we the people have unanimously agreed that our politicians are the biggest terrorists and the most dangerous threat to our lives. No politician was spared- particularly not those from the opposition parties who attempted to shamelessly milk the situation for votes. I have to confess that I frequently flung slippers at my TV screen whenever politicians cut through the coverage of the attacks (rubber slippers, of course- with the sorry state the  economy's in, I can't afford to buy a new TV, can I?) I do hope our politicians saw the footage of an Iraqi journalist hurling his shoes at President Bush on TV. It's guaranteed to make them shiver in their shoes.

These are a few of our strident allegations: ‘Inept! Corrupt! Communal! Vote-bank politics!'  As a result, our politicians are still whimpering in corners. Good. I hope they stay there and reflect on their lousy behaviour! Have you noticed that when they do dare to venture out these days, they're always in large groups?

Present for politicians: Spittoons, to be placed outside Parliament and state assemblies. They should periodically check the levels to find out what exactly we think of them.