The Hall of Shame Awards

Published: Tue, 06/01/2010 - 07:40 Updated: Tue, 06/01/2010 - 07:47

Only half the year is over and I already have enough candidates for my regular annual Hall of Shame awards. Horrifying, isn't it?

Madhuri Gupta
I think I can safely say that every Indian was sorely disappointed when it came to light that one of our female diplomats was spying for Pakistan's ISI. My disappointment deepened considerably when I saw pictures of Madhuri Gupta on TV news channels. She's no svelte and sexy Modesty Blaise for sure. I'm fairly certain that she'll never be on the short list for a Bond girl either. That's why I find it hard to believe that she was romantically involved with a chap from the ISI - most likely the poor sod who drew the shortest straw. My god, those guys are willing to undergo any hardship to destabilise India! Don't they draw the line somewhere? I sincerely hope Gupta is sentenced to spending the rest of her life making pudina flavoured chips at Tihar jail.

Certain parents in North India
It never ceases to amaze me how tyrannical orthodox Indian parents can be. 'We made you, so we own you' is their mantra. Even when their children are financially independent and old enough to choose who governs the nation, they're not allowed to decide who they can marry. Even worse, if they elope, some of these parents murder their own children in a fit of rage.Couldn't they just disinherit them instead? Slap them and make them stand in a corner? Or, at least, lovingly lace their nourishing kesar pista milkshakes with poison? That's more humane than brutally hacking them to death, as far as I'm concerned. I've never understood why these are called 'honour killings' when they are shockingly dishonourable. 

Naveen Jindal
All along, I'd thought that Congress MP Naveen Jindal was a progressive man, but I was oh-so-wrong. It turns out that he has more in common with the Taliban instead. Jindal recently revealed himself to be a great supporter of Haryana's khap panchayats - the regressive chaps who encourage Indian parents in Haryana to murder their disobedient children.What's most disappointing is that I'd always admired Jindal and believed that he was a forward-thinking man because he fought to give ordinary citizens the right to fly the Indian flag every day of the year. That appears to be the only cool thing he picked up while studying in America. It's now become evident that Jindal yearns for votes more than he wants a modern, progressive nation.My friends and I have spent quality time wondering why he wants votes this badly. He's a wealthy industrialist, so we doubt that he needs to stay in power for money. All we've finally come up with so far is that he loves sirens and flashing lights on top of his car. Now that's something only votes can buy!

Nitin Gadkari
We now have solid proof that the BJP has completely lost it. They actually hope that their fortunes will revive with Gadkari at the helm. Their brains are so scrambled, they believe that a strong leader is someone who takes up an entire row of seats in a plane. Come on, he fainted during a rally in Delhi to protest against the price-rise during the UPA regime - I felt the aftershocks all the way in Mumbai. Faint heart ne'er won fair prices, okay? If Gadkari can't even deal with early summer heat, what's he going to do when his party is in the hot seat?Then he foolishly likened Mulayam Singh Yadav and Lalu Prasad Yadav to dogs - they barked back so ferociously that Gadkari hasn't stopped whining apologies. I'd like to see the BJP's LK Advani calling Prime Minister Manmohan Singh a weak man now - hah! 

The Maoists
About a month ago, they brutally murdered CRPF men in Dantewada. And as I type this, a breathless newsreader has informed me that they've just graduated to killing innocent civilians: about 40 in a bus. And this is how they're going to help marginalised tribals prosper, huh? The way they're going they'll probably murder the very same tribals they're pretending to fight for one of these days. I'll tell you this - if I'd been a Maoist supporter, I'd be inspired not just to hang my head in shame, but to hang myself from a ceiling fan right now!

This story is from print issue of HardNews