Angst in My Pants

WHEN NEWS ANCHORS COME A-CRAWLING

The verdict is out. The BJP is set to govern the country for the next five years with a prime minister some of us are so frightened of that we’re toying with the idea of running away to other continents. I urge people not to leave in a hurry, though. Be patient—don’t forget BJP leader Giriraj Singh’s nasty threat of banishing critics to Pakistan. Let him pay for our one-way tickets! We’re aware that the BJP got big money from greedy corporate India for the elections, I’m sure they can part with some loose change.

I ‘HEART’ MODI

Taking a tip from some very, very senior and highly respected journalists and some very, very senior but not as highly respected news anchors, I have decided to write nice things about NarendraModi from now onwards — just in case he does become Prime Minister of India (gulp). I still have Amitbhai Shah’s Muzaffarnagar speech about revenge being the only answer ringing in my ears — I can’t ever forget that Amitbhai is Modi’s hatchet-wielding right-hand man.

Beam me AAP

The nation has finally discovered that AAP stands for Alphonso Aadmi Party – there’s absolutely nothing aam about some of its ministers: Law Minister Somnath Bharti, in particular, attacking and publically humiliating African women because their prudish neighbours made shocking remarks about them (these people are not like us, they wear short skirts, their food smells, they are drug addicts and sex workers, and so on) is just not done. Particularly after the Delhi Police refused to make arrests without a warrant.