Angst in My Pants

When all else fails, try PR!

Aha! The BJP has finally decided what cutting-edge strategy they are going to use to win the next general elections: cosmetic surgery and PR services. Taking a cue from TMC party leader Mamata Banerjee, who literally ran for the West Bengal elections on a treadmill to ensure that no unseemly triple chin marred her victory photographs, BJP party president Nitin Gadkari recently signed up for bariatric surgery.

No Platitudes Please

After 26/11 there should not have been another successful terrorist attack in Mumbai. Or anywhere in India, for that matter. Our jittery politicians were more shocked by our outrage than the attacks itself — we were threatening to throw every single pair of shoes we owned at them, including brand new, exorbitantly priced and highly prized Jimmy Choos. Alarmed, they promised us the moon as far as security was concerned and, as usual, they were too lazy to put their ideas into action. 
 

Baba Black Money

A couple of months ago I earnestly wrote in this very magazine that I support Anna Hazare’s ‘India Against Corruption’ movement. I take it back, and I have sent them a terse letter withdrawing my support. I’m not fickle by nature, but a rather peculiar man called Baba Ramdev made me see the light.  He decided that he wanted to go on a fast against corruption as well, and who can blame him because fasting has become terribly fashionable in India these days.
 

Hawaii Chappal CM First Class First

Well well well. Trinamool Congress Chief Mamata Banerjee has emerged as the valiant Red Dragon slayer, bringing a humiliating end to 34 years of Left rule, sorry, make that misrule, in West Bengal. This is no mean achievement, so a fanfare of trumpets is in order. Despite the fact that she was possibly the laziest, most callously indifferent Union railway minister ever. And a miserable whiner to boot, vociferously blaming other people for sabotaging her work. 

Low Flyers

I have never been afraid of flying - not even after evil terrorists turned commercial airplanes into missiles of death and destruction on 9/11. The only thing I fervently pray for every time I'm aboard is that the food doesn't taste like sickening Founder's Day leftovers from a boarding school kitchen. I am saddened to report that god has never answered my prayers. I rather assumed he would when I was once upgraded to fancy First Class, but nope. This is one of the main reasons why I'm a hardened atheist.